waiting

The Insanity of W.A.I.T.I.N.G

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So I am an idiot,

I took a test yesterday (9 days post ovulation) thats far too early right? well, I took it and it was negative 😦

I am now 10 days post ovulation, and I am going to try and wait until the day AF is due. She’s due Saturday. It’s only Wednesday…. I am guessing I shouldn’t test until at least Friday? maybe Saturday morning.

I am just disappointed. I thought because I only have 13 days between my ovulating and coming on that I would implant quicker and therefore show up as pregnant quicker. I guess thats not the case.

well, fuck science. I am going silently mad here.

If it does come out negative… what do I do?? keep trying?

ugh. I am going to be so disappointed.

I am trying to stay positive. But being positive means symptom spotting, and then me turning myself inside out mentally, and then feeling negative. This is a ridiculous insane vicious circle. I JUST WANT TO KNOW if it worked and if im pregnant 😦

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

Psycho Sach

1960, Psycho

 

Don’t feel like talking much, I am trying really hard to stay positive. I feel like a psycho. Up one minute down the next. Same shit as last time, think I am pregnant one minute, convinced I’m not the next.

Much less stressful this time, because pretending your positive eventually makes you feel temporarily positive. But the two weeks is taking an achingly long time to go.

In the morning I will be 4 Days post IUI, and 8 days till I am due on…

This time feels longer than the last.

I hate waiting.

Not only am I waiting to test, but I am also waiting for an appointment with the NHS again. It’s beyond frustrating, I am on a waiting list, for an appointment, just for a fucking appointment. During this appointment, I will just be referred to an IVF clinic. Which means I will go on another waiting list.

I wont get an appointment for the referral appointment until the end of April. Which means I wont go on a IVF waiting list till May at the earliest.

 

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE WAITING

silently_waiting-t2

 

Why can’t I just be pregnant already?

I want to cry.