Today, I am boshing out my angry lesbian.
We have established that I hate vague rambling discussions and or instructions, and these nearly made it onto my list of pet hates.
However, I still only have three official pet hates, (official because I have an endless ever growing list of things that annoy me, but three that will instantly piss me off)
I hate being patronized. It makes me arrogant and angry and ultimately turns me into the antichrist!
Don’t patronize me because
a) I am probably more intelligence than you
b) I can definitely do whatever it is that were doing better than you
So this new person has taken over the HR for the scheme that I am on. Supposedly they are “babysitting” it. Sorry the last time I checked I didn’t actually wear diapers anymore.
A little while ago we were asked to organise an event. Asked for ideas and then the reins were past over to us to get on with the event.
New girl starts, a little over a week after we were told to get on with it.
Newbie sends some really patronizing email giving us an arbitrary deadline for the next working day to ‘submit’ our presentations to her to ‘review’ them.
Firstly we were never given a deadline in the first place, secondly dont ask for something the next working day when its already the afternoon and I am rammed up to my eyeballs in work; and thirdly, the event was still a WHOLE month away. Your not in the private sector now love. Welcome to the public sector!
I responded with a polite email back suggesting that the deadline be pushed forward because the event was a long way away and that the deadline was a little close.
This earnt the newbie the nick name “Demon Emailer”
The ridiculous email continues
“I am sure that you all have been formulating your ideas for what you are going to talk about since the time you volunteered to do these sessions. ”
The response I SHOULD have sent:
No you patronizing bitch, I have not been formulating ideas, I offered to do this a week ago. I have been up to my eyeballs in real work besides I am conducting a 15 minute ice breaker I do not need to spend hours doing it, now fuck off and chill out.
I didn’t. I was polite.
Demon Emailer continues:
If your workload is such that you don’t think those timelines are workable, we have another couple of graduates who are interested in helping out
At this point I genuinely turned purple in the face at the audacity of the demon emailer. How dare you suggest that I am incapable of delivering a 15 minute session in a months time. No I do not need help, its FIFTEEN MINUTES of material. I could piss longer than that, this is not hard.
Anyway, after my hulk climbed back inside, and my face returned to its olivey colour, I decided to march up to the demon emailers office and ‘ave a word’
Demon emailer can’t be thinking they can get away with this for the rest of their time here!
Polite conversation was had. Through gritted teeth I hasen to add.
Its at this point that I am convinced I am working with a full on robot. I have never seen anyone fidget less in my life. The wind could have picked up and their hair wouldn’t have even budged plus their posture was waaay too straight to be normal.
We move on a couple of weeks.
Demon emailer decided that they wanted a rehersal of the event.
Much to irritation. Again, this is 15 minutes. Not hard.
Reluctantly I drag myself to this meeting.
Demon Emailer then says:
“Now then Sacha, let’s role play your piece shall we, lets practice all together (insert painfully perky smile) and then we can all make sure we are perfect. I have trained people across the world and run events for small groups to huge conferences, and I know that to look natural and unpracticed you need to practice practice practice”
Firstly, no I will not role play my section, I am not four, and we are not in drama class now love.
Secondly, your telling me your life story like I give a fuck.
Thirdly, you sat perfectly still for so long theres a fly nesting in your perfect hair (ok not true, but I wish it had been)
Fourthly, wipe that perky smile off your face before I do
Evidently I didn’t actually say any of these things, but I really wanted to.
I did refuse to participate though. I mean really, role playing my 15minute section. Delusional.