donor eggs

In pieces… Infertile

A little while ago, we went to a fertility show, just as a curious newly we’d lesbian couple. Just to see how much it might all cost.

They were giving out half price initial consultations including an internal scan. One of the exhibitors mentioned a test they can do to see how fertile you are… AMH – A hormone released by follicles in your ovaries.

There was no reason on Earth that a 25 year old should have that test. 25 year olds are generally in their prime but something told me to go to the appointment and get the AMH test (which was an extra 100 can I just add)

The clinic and the wife all tried to stop me getting the test saying your fine your young, no family history, lots of pregnancies etc etc. but something kept telling me to take it. So I did.

Scans came back normal lovely womb you have there the doc said!

The AMH – an indication of your egg reserve came back in a very low response group….

The clinic called me back thinking they had made a mistake and re-tested me for free and asked me to take a whole bunch of other tests. FSH, LH, and oestradiol. All hormone tests, which came back fine.

But my AMH came back even lower… Negligible…. That was New Years Day.

So today I got told that means I will be going through a very early menopause… Late twenties early thirties….

When I showed the doctor my results he actually swore… I’ve never heard a doctor swear before.

“Shit, that is low…. I’m referring you for urgent high priority IVF” the doc said.

I might only have a year or two supply of eggs left.

I’m 25.

I’m not sure what to write. I am an erratic eclectic mix of emotions.


I’ve cried on an off for 2 days. One minute I’m fine the next I’m in pieces.

Doc said that I have to go for IVF now or it will be too late…

Too late… I’m 25.

We only went to the clinic as a random fact finding mission… I am not a huge believer of fate… But something told me to get that test… If I hadn’t I would never have known and it would have been too late.

I am hoping beyond hope that it’s not too late.

I don’t even think I’m ready for a baby… It wasn’t meant to be now… I was meant to buy a house… Go travelling… Go out….

I don’t know.

How life can change in an instant

I’m still waiting for that moment when someone turns round and says “only joking” but it’s not happened… And then I got referred for IVF… That’s when it became serious.

I just… I can’t…

Why me?

I’m broken, half a women. What’s wrong with me!

I am in pieces.