The Wife

Liebster, and everything you ever wanted to know about Sacha Black… well sort of!

I am a bad blogger, I was nominated for an award, and because life got in the way I didn’t have a chance to follow it up. Not only that, but a dear blogging friend, tried to cheer me up with some interesting questions and I didn’t get the chance to do them.

Firstly A H Amin who asked me the following questions:

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten in public?

hmm, probably nothing that strange, I am a veggie, and a fussy one at that. I don’t really eat weird things, but I have tried Deer in Nepal, and some other strange meats that I have no idea what they were. But as for strange… literally nothing!

2. If you had to go on an adventure, with elves, dwarves, or hobbits, who would you take and why?

Gandalf? Clearly a sick wizard!

3. You are at a rural retreat lodge somewhere deep in Wisconsin or Canada. You are approached by a taxidermist who hands you a stuffed badger and asks you to put it in your lap. What do you do next?

Politely decline and make a hasty retreat!! Or reach for the shotgun that’s clearly stowed behind the door of the cabin, and tell him to back the fuck away with the rodent!

4. If you were given biscotti, would you prefer it with coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?

Not drinking caffeine currently for obvious reasons, but I am partial for a mocha!!

5. In your opinion, who is the funniest man or woman alive today (comedian)

Lee Evans, or Michael McIntyre.

6. If you were given thirty seconds on television to say something, what would it be?

Well I have been on television, I was the lead character in a children’s programme that aired twice a week for six weeks when I was 16… but if I told you what it was I would have to kill you!

IF I got to go on prime time TV now and say something meaningful?

“Keep chasing the dream, and never forget it, love well, live hard, and sleep when you die!”

7. What is your idea of the most romantic date setting ever?

I dont have a single romantic bone in my body. er… Dirty weekend away? Ok maybe not… um… Dinner under the Eiffel tower? Ugh, god I duno. I give up!

8. If you could go on one date with a movie or television star, who would it be and why?

As long as the wife’s not listening then Ellen Page

"Defiance" at the 2008 AFI Fest Closing Night Gala

Because I fancy the shit out of her!!

But if the wifes listening… ah fuck it, she knows I think shes hot!

If not her, then maybe Mila Kunis… nom nom nom.

Altho… Thor is pretty hot, and I always thought Ryan Gosling looked like my wifes brother, so I can’t help but find him attractive!!

9. What is the worst song you have ever heard?

All things R&B, Rap, Hip Hop or heavy metal…. sorry for any fans out there!

10. If you could live anywhere else, where would it be?

Duno about live… but I would be right here….

muse

11. Who- in your opinion- was the greatest person to ever live?

Da Vinci. No questions. Fucking Ledge.

Ok, so the other two people I owe a posts to are Rebecca, and 2cagedbirds for nominating me for the Liebster award

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Ok so there are lots of rules related to the Liebster, but instead of nominating and asking questions etc, I am just going to answer the questions asked of me, and I will add another page to my blog, with a list of all my favourite and regularly read blogs…. That will happen… shortly!

1. Your earliest childhood memory?

Waiting at the window for hours on end, asking my mother if “that was daddys car”

“is that daddies car, momma?”

He would never turn up.

2. Music playing when you made love for the first time, or associated with your first love

er… cant remember or dont want to remember… in fact I dont think there was music on.

3. How you feel about that person now

First person I loved wasn’t the first person I made love too. The first person I made love to I feel indifferent about, the first person I loved… I still think they are attractive and I hope they are happy.

4. How you feel about that music now

N/A??

5. Favourite recent song

ooh, too many, I like

Swedish House Mafia – Greyhound

Lies – Otto Dix

Perfect Replacement – Example

6. What hurts your feelings most nowadays? One example please!

Tough, because I very very rarely get my feelings hurt. I have a ridiculously thick skin, and a pretty big sense of humour.

I dont like people mugging me off, or disrespecting me.

7. What you would like to do next in your life

Have this baby, and finish my bloody novel.

8. Are you attracted to your own sex?

Fuck yes.

9.What is the worst aspect of the opposite sex?

EVERYTHING. Usually rubbish in bed (sorry!) they can’t communicate and most of the ones I have known are pretty ignorant.

10. Can pets replace people in your life?

Probably! I have two cats, and I love them dearly!

11. Will you fall in love again?

I hope not, not in romantic love anyway, I love my wife too much to fall for anyone else. But I imagine I will fall in love with my baby in a different way, a parental love.

  1.  What was your favorite book as a child?

Thats impossible to answer, I read everything, literally everything when I was a kid. So much so, I had to change libraries cause I’d read everything! Also depends what age you mean by kid? as a young child I like wierd books by babette cole, as a teenager I read everything under the sun, from kids books by jacqueline wilson, to classics like of mice an men…. probably my fave from my teenage years was ‘A Solitaire Mystery” by Jostein Gaarder

2. What are your favorite midnight snacks?

dont tend to snack at night, but probably a bagel, and juice!

3. If you got to have a fictional dinner party, who would you invite?  Your list better include me and Harry Potter, or you can just skip this question.

Do you know, I probably would invite all my fave bloggers, I would also invite some of the characters from my novel, and Da Vinci, Mandela, my mum and my bezzie mates

4. When you were a kid, what did you want your name to be?  Be honest, everyone goes through that phase.

I have no idea, I always wanted to change my name though, because my real name is ridiculously long. but I love the name Sacha Black, and I have considered changing my name by depole to it. Sometimes, I feel like I am more Sacha Black than I am the real me. I will certainly be publishing my work under the name Sacha Black.

5. Got any tattoos?

yeh one, that said I was a dick when I was 18!! My arms the one in the middle, my friends are mocking me, its meant to be the symbol for psychology…. which looks like the symbol next to the photo, but thats what happens when you draw things in a tattoo parlour when your inebriated in a foreign country… told you i was a dick… can I also point out when I have been drunk and passed out my mates think its funny to draw a spoon and a knife next to the fork!!

tatpsychology copy

6. You can visit anyplace, real or fictional.  Where do you go?  

fictional…. the world I have created in my novel….

real life… China or Africa

7. What’s the coolest place you’ve ever actually visited?

Ive trekked up to Mount Everest Base camp….

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Everest is the tall black mountain in the back right of the photo. Its black because its so high it is in the wind currents and the wind has blown all the snow off.

8. In detail, tell us how you feel about shag carpet.  (I may or may not be struggling for ideas.)

shag carpet? What the thingy thats white and fluffy… um, they are usually itchy! but i kinda like them!!

9. Stealing from Amy this time.  Write a haiku about your favorite article of clothing.

not sure how to do this, so I will get back to you on this one!

10. Do you like “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along-Blog?  If you’ve never watched it, go do so now.  Netflix or Youtube.  I’ll wait.  Ok.  So, did you like it? 

not sure i get it… but I did youtube!!

11. Favorite musical artist?

good question, I like loads.

Example, Swedish house mafia, gemini, flux pavilion, Otto Dix, James Arthur, ludovico einaudi, Missy Higgins, Snow Patrol, Pink, robbie williams! basically anyting dubstep, or basey,  oh and Emeli Sande, which can I just add everyone thinks I look like her! One day when I reveal myself, I will do a separated at birth type post with a photo of me and her!

Thats all folks… will post up the list of bloggers shortly….

All Things Pregnancy

5 weeks 6 days

So I seem to have acquired a pretty hefty backlog of blogs I owe myself and other fellow bloggers, so I will sit here tonight and write them and set them to upload over the next few days…

So pregnancy…

Anyone else ever experience denial? I think its the shock, I just cant seem to accept the fact I am pregnant. I just cant believe it, I mean part of me does obviously. I duno it is just so surreal…

I mean I have now done 18…. 18 pregnancy tests… a little psycho I know…

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That was this mornings… the test line is now darker than the control line…. mental, I look at these tests every morning and just think, how am I creating positive pregnanct tests!!

My boobs STILL hurt, I mean they are so fricking huge now I literally need a hammock to carry these bazungers around!! Genuinely, the below photo is how big a bra I need now!! no joke!!

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I am tired, but not like I was, instead I seem to be experiencing constant bloating, and some serious aversions to certain smells. The other Mrs. Black, bleached the whole house the other night and tidied whilst I finished an essay, then when she came over to me, her hands stunk like something so vile, I cant even explain it, when I asked her what it was, she said bleach!! BLEACH?? I used to love the smell of bleach….

Well apparently not! she continued to waft her hands around me, so I promptly threw up!! That will learn her!!

Other than that, no major symptoms, a little cramping but nothing major.

I decided that I wanted to book in two early scans, so I am having a 7 week scan, and a 10 week scan. The 10 week scan mostly because we are going to Gran Canaria pride, and I want to know that our baby is ok just before we go, and also because if some of our friends find out, at 10 weeks with a couple of scans behind us, I am hoping it will be ok. I asked the midwife and she said it would be fine, and thats before we even have an official NHS scan, but I am a little more realistic than that and want some proof… I guess I am just anxious to know everythings alright. It feels like everywhere I look people are talking about miscarriage. My sister in law had a mis-miscarry which means she didn’t know, which I just cant think of anything worst, so I want an early scan to make sure everything is ok, to reassure us. Thats not crazy is it?

WhenI got in from work this evening though… it all became a little too official… we have a booking appointment… to see a real midwife, and I have a green booklet…. for all my pregnancy information and appointments….

Maternity Letter

 

Forgive me, I removed all the identifying information…. but

IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING???

When am I going to stop being in denial???

I guess its because I dont want to get too excited until we get the all clear… role on May 18th…

Sacha Found A New Muse

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This blog seems to have split itself into two, entirely by accident. The Sacha who is going through fertility issues, and the Sacha who started the blog to write because she so loves to write, but to blog her life – her journey to trying to be an author and her quest to find her dreams.

Well, having blogged a lot about the fertility issues, I thought I would take it back to the roots today.

For those who are interested in the fertility stuff, thanks to your kind advice, I have decided to go back to Denmark to try again. I should be going on Sunday, so I will keep you all up to date.

But today is all about muses.

With all the fertility stuff, my head became thick and groggy, and not only did my muse leave me, but so did every ounce of creativity and all my ideas.

Well, a friend came over a couple of days ago, lets call her EC and we were talking about books, when I happened to mention the novel I was trying to plan, and eventually write. EC was really enthusiastic and asked me all about it. But in asking me, she questioned me about the gaps and holes in my plan, where I had hit brick walls and failed to finish planning bits.

It was like someone had reignited the dying embers of s fire. I was beyond away, I was literally on fire.

I forgot that I think out loud. I am such an extrovert, that even my thinking is done on the outside! I think whilst I talk. Literally. Talking helps me to think through ideas.

So as she was asking me all these questions, I already had most of the answers in my head, because I knew the story and the characters, I just hadn’t pieced bits together, or hadn’t solidified the connections between characters.

EC fired question after question at me, and I pulled answer after answer out of what seemed to be thin air. But they all made sense and fitted. She is my muse!

She knew all the right questions to ask to get me to fill in my gaps, and with every answer she became more and more excited.

After the session which lasted well into the early hours of the morning, I spent the last few days mapping out and drawing up plans and sketches and doing lots and lots of work. EC then said if I wanted help she would come over and help me again. She just volunteered to do that.

I guess sometimes people surprise you in good ways, and not just bad ones. People who you don’t necessarily expect to want to help you. I mean, she is a dear friend of mine, she gave a reading at the wedding, was on my hen do and is genuinely one of my closest friends, but I guess I just never expected anyone to be that interested in my book. I think I had got to a place where I thought my story was rubbish and not worth pursuing. I hit a brick wall right before all the fertility stuff kicked off and my brain went into melt down. I lost all confidence in myself, let alone my abilities. But after her excitement and insistence on me finishing the story, and then volunteering to help again, I found a new confidence and drive to get the book back on track.

Well, this evening EC came back over, and we sat for 5 hours discussing the book. FIVE hours!!! she is not only a ridiculously good friend, but seriously how dedicated is that!? god damn love that girl! what a total legend. Then, she as she left she offered to come back again and help!! She thinks the story is that good!

The other thing which was nice, is that through the chats EC and I had, the wife also joined in. Which is lovely, because the wife isn’t much of a reader, and doesn’t necessarily find me harping on about my book all the time that interesting. So she doesn’t really offer to talk about it much which is a shame, because she is full of amazing ideas.

But anyway, after 5 hours of planning and discussion this evening, I am exhausted! I have some serious work to put into this book now, and all before EC comes over for another Q & A!!

What a confidence boost this last week has been, and what a truly brilliant friend I have.

EC, I love you to bits 🙂

Mrs. Black – An Interview With The Wife!

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So, I am 4 dp IUI. I decided that I do far too much talking, and that my wife (Mrs. Black) often gets forgotten. Often she’s forgotten in the UK because our equality is not as progressed as many of the European countries, but also because she’s not going to carry the baby. But what I guess a lot of people forget is that she is going through this too.

So here, is an interview with Mrs. Black:

Me: So, Mrs. Black (giggle) how are you feeling about everything today?

Mrs. Black: um, confused. I just want an answer.

Me: can you elaborate some more?

Mrs. Black: I suppose, I never realised how much this means to us, and how much we want it. But at the same time its scary financially and how much it is going to change our lives.

Me: How are you finding the medical procedures?

Mrs. Black: I think Denmark are great. They are very equality driven. They made us feel so comfortable, and allowed me to push the syringe, so if you fall pregnant, I’d have done the business!

Me: how are you finding being on the other side of the medical procedures?

Mrs. Black: well, London didn’t really make me feel like I was a part of it. They just spoke at you. Whereas in Denmark, they made me feel like I was a part of making our baby.

Me: and thats important to you?

Mrs. Black: Thats really fucking important to me!

Me: How do you feel about the fact that I have fertility issues?

Mrs. Black: Makes no odds really, because we were always going to have problems, because it’s not like we can do it naturally. I always thought it was going to be difficult anyway.

And if I am honest, I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids until I met you anyway!

Me:  Do you ever experience the emotional roller coaster that I am going through?

Mrs. Black: I don’t think I experience exactly the same emotions as you. I have my own rollercoaster. As I just don’t ever stop thinking about it.

Me: How does that make you feel? Tired? Angry?? what emotions are you feeling in your rollercoaster?

Mrs. Black: within my rollercoaster, I feel tired. Like mentally tired. I feel a bit impatient too. Yeh, I spend most of my time feeling impatient. I JUST WANT TO KNOW!!

Me: Are you afraid of anything?

Mrs. Black: If I am honest, one of the only things I am afraid of, is us never being able to become parents. But worst, if we do become parents, what if our kids hate us?

Me: babe its ‘KID’ singular!!, stop saying ‘kids’ haha.

Mrs. Black: haha, sorry I know, I know, I need to stop jinxing us. You know what I mean. Kid…. Anyway, I guess the other thing I am afraid of is our child having nothing in common with me, as it doesn’t have any of my genetics.

Me: What impact has this had on our relationship?

Mrs. Black: I think its actually brought us closer. It’s made us communicate a lot more. But then saying that, we both have our own quiet times, when we both just get lost in our own thoughts. 

Me: What kind of support do you think you need? As people always think about the women carrying a baby

Mrs. Black: I just want people to remember me, and that I am in this too. But at the same time, I just want to make sure your alright.

Me: aww, your so sweet 🙂 Ok, finally then, what advice would you give to other couples going through this situation?

Mrs. Black: Never allow anyone to say ‘no’. And even though it’s probably one of the most scariest things you can do, when you’re there and your about to have treatment, all that worry disappears and you know your doing the right thing.

Me: Any final thoughts?

Mrs. Black: My final thought? Is even though its been hard and extremely emotional so far, it hasn’t made me any less determined.

Well that’s it folks! If any one has any questions, feel free to ask!