If you have a shit book cover we won’t pick up your novel. Sloppy blurb and we chuck the book on the NBR (Never Be Read) pile. If we get past all that and find forgettable characters buried in your pages, well… fuck you author, here’s a one star review.
A couple of weeks ago, I was lording it up in Paris with the girls for a cocktail fuelled weekend… I still have a hangover!
The thing is, I wouldn’t be a writer if I didn’t take advantage of any and every opportunity to spew some more of my hyperbolae into the world, and Paris has provided me the perfect opportunity to do just that.
I have a terrible memory. Like ,really bad. But my substandard brain cells got me thinking about books and specifically, about characters.
Without memorable characters, your book is worthless. Why?
Because books are written about characters. If your characters are boring, your books boring. But how do you make them memorable without turning them into the equivalent of a glitter covered literary drag queen? (more…)
Today brings a special guest post from a wonderful and extraordinarily talented Anne Goodwin, who has also released her debut novel ‘Sugar and Snails’ TODAY. Get it on Amazon, immediately, I insist! Anne has kindly contributed to my Crafting Characters series and discusses creating awkward characters. So without further ado, I give you Anne Goodwin. (more…)
I first watched the Exorcist when I was about 9, I don’t know whether it was the projectile green vomit or badly done makeup, but I wasn’t impressed. These days it might be a little different. I was skeptical about everything back then. These days I’m only skeptical about some things because I know there really are things that go bump in the night. Scary movies, books or stories, have a better effect. Leaving me switching lights on, scanning rooms and ceilings and ensuring there’s a hockey stick within reaching distance!
I’m my own worst enemy and can never please myself. I started this series because I wasn’t happy with my villain, guess what, I’m still not. So I started investigating what makes a really scary bad guy. This post aims to identify what sets apart your Lemony Snicket from your Michael Myers (Halloween). (more…)
Who’s in your inner circle? You know, that group of friends that you can count on one hand. The ones you would pick up in the middle of the night, or who would hold back your hair whilst you throw up after a hard night out…?
What do you think of when you think of those friends? More importantly what single word would you use to describe them? If you were to write them into your novel what would their archetype be? Let me know in the comments below. (more…)
A couple of weeks ago, I asked you to write the best worst opening line you could think of. Well now I am asking you to write the best WORST ending you can come up with. Once again, there will be a winner and runner up and if we get some funny entries I may just pick a comedic winner too!
What do I mean by worst? 1. Write it badly, break rules, make sentences long and arduous use adverbs… whatever you like, but do your worst, it needs to be so bad, its stinks. 2. Make the story ending stink too, what’s the worst ending to a story you can think of? Write that! Heres mine: (more…)
Please welcome the lovely, and extremely funny Lockie Young. You can find out more about Lockie on his: Website, Blog, or Facebook. You can find his first book here, his sequel here, and some of his short stories here.
Life’s a funny old thing, so often we go through difficult times and have to make hard choices. Sometimes we lose friends, loved ones, gain new ones, have children. We travel and feel moved to change our entire lives. We give up careers and start again. I’ve seen my fair share of cross roads probably the most significant was being told if I waited to have kids, it might be too late.
Turn left – be young free and have money, travel.
Turn right – fork out thousands for fertility treatment and suffer losses and emotional torment.
I turned right. It was the right decision, but when you’re faced with a cross roads the decision isn’t always obvious.
This week, the writespiration is all about Cross Roads. Maybe your character is physically at a cross road, maybe they have a choice to make. If you fancy joining in, jot a few words or a short story and I will publish it with next weeks post.
A slightly different challenge this week. It’s another of my favourite writing sites to help unblock the block! The website is called One Word. The aim of this game is to use the word posted below (don’t look till you are ready to write) as a prompt and then free write for 60 seconds, no stopping. Don’t edit, don’t worry, just write. Mine is right at the bottom of this post with the prompt word, no cheating!
Now, to the winner of the worst possible sentence from last weeks writespiration, and boy did we have some cracking entries. And by cracking, I mean awful! (more…)
When you’re tucked into one of your guilty pleasure books, how conscious are you? How do you read? For me, after a few paragraphs my eyes switch off, my mind opens up the words disappear and I begin to see watch the book unfold. For me, reading is exactly the same as watching TV, it feels like I visit Neverland with Peter, or the Discworld with Rincewind, or any other of the infinite worlds in books. But I am trying to be mindful, and be a collector of sentences and excerpts. (more…)
We constantly worry about how to write better. But actually, there’s a benefit to being able to recognise when you have written badly. And sometimes it’s fun to just reel off a load of codswallop.
This week, your challenge is to write the WORST opening line you can. Give it your best, and produce your worst!
Because this is an actual competition, The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest and I am secretly amused by all the nonsense that is to come, I am going to pick a winner… The winner will be announced in next weeks writespiration, the deadline is Sunday 31st May.
If you fancy it, why not submit to the real competition? – their deadlines the June 30th.