Adultland Excerpt

Adultland NEWAli, sets a weekly writing challenge, I try to participate where I can, although the days of me doing several challenges each week has dwindled. But this week I did participate. Partly because her challenge focused on an area of weakness for me. If you haven’t ever taken part you should. Check out her latest purple prose challenge.

I am not great at descriptive writing, drawing images and creating flowery writing, so I decided to have a go on part of the latest bit of Adultland. It’s at 14K and 8 chapters in, although I suspect by the time this goes live, it will be 9 or 10 chapters in. Below is an excerpt from the end of chapter 8. I have tried to tweak it to fit Ali’s challenge of ‘purple prose’ she did say no dialogue….I cheated, but then I never was one to follow the rules!

purple-prose

Chapter 8 Excerpt

I ran to the window, desperate to see an obvious clue, a sign, anything to explain what Hawk meant when he said ‘look down at the edge of the city.’

I slumped against the glass and peered at the crippled world below. The city looked like a broken solider, exhausted and weary after war. My chest tightened like a vice, tears clawed at my throat. I couldn’t believe that a single year of neglect could create such a mass of crumbling houses. Plant life ravaged entire sections of the city. Green spread like bacteria until it consumed its host.

I glanced at the wall; a merciless guard, towering above us, watching, just like the Hunters did. Silent, certain, infinite.

I squinted. I could see over the wall. The morning sun was high enough that I could see for several miles. Two more spheres bordered distant cities. I frowned, unsure of what I was seeing. I pressed my face against the glass straining, they weren’t spheres, they were walls. Walls that trapped other cities. Other children.

“Oh my god,” I gasped and took a step back. I stumbled into the office desk, the corner of the table dug into my thigh. I stepped back, tripped over a shoe box. A hand caught me, enveloped my body and stopped me hitting the deck. The sweet scent of a woody perfume wrapped around me. I knew that smell. Another hand slipped over my mouth.

“Don’t scream,” he said.

I narrowed my eyes. Fire ignited in my chest.

“Hawk.”

***

© Copyright 2015 Sacha Black

29 comments

      1. I’ll be working on a novella (or a novel if that’s how it turns out) to post on Wattpad. I want to get more of my original work out there other than quick short stories/flash fiction on my blog. And maybe broaden my audience a bit.
        What about you?

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Oooh I’m liking the city like a broken soldier, that’s a great image! I am very honoured that you have used my prompt to aid you in writing this piece for your novel! 😍😙💖💓 Lovely piece of writing, Sacha!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. :O Annika, you are so so lovely, you seriously made my week with that comment. I’m going to try and finish Adultland in NaNo! so wont be long! your comments so encouraging, I really am tickled pink ❤

      Like

    1. I didn’t? Well that’s reassuring! I didn’t even think about senses when I wrote it, so thats a relief i did do it!!………… :s *panics, checks through other work!* jolly good reminder. We must think about all 5 senses. Thanks Esther ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you’ve done a fabulous job with this my friend, not to mention the storyline is intriguing. I love your broken rules “Don’t scream.” Nice cliffhanger too! xo 🙂

    Like

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