One week. One week back in my cesspit hole of a job to feel myself start to tip off the side of sanity all over again.
I hate it. I hate my job so much it infects me. It putrefies my thoughts and tears tiny bits of my soul away, day by day. I can feel myself erupting on the inside over nothing. Something someone says, an insignificant remark makes my mind seethe and my blood burn with angry lust.
I am becoming scarred with bitter frustration.
I am broken.
I have a new boss, and he asked me this week after hearing my story if I had any fight left in me.
“you do don’t you… have fight left in you?” He asked me expectantly.
I just turned my head away. Biting back the tears.
” I don’t know”
And I really don’t know.
My old boss stole my confidence, and crushed my creativity.
” The thing is Sach…” He would say patronisingly.
“You got a big personality. You just need to be a bit less Sacha… you know?”
Cunt.
He hated me. He hated what I represented and made sure I knew it.
I am disgusted with myself that I could let a man beat me down and crush me the way he did, the way work has.
He left, but I have given up. I have nothing left, no fight, no drive, no ambition.
My entire being is bruise and I am exhausted.
I am Sacha, and I am beautiful, but, I am utterly broken.
Sacha Black 
Sacha don’t let other define you, it is hard in this days, that is why I like you, you don’t pretend to be something that you are not. I am glad that you know you are beautiful, and it is ok to feel broken we all go through this.
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Thanks Doris, it’s true too many people pretend to be something they are not. Today is just a bad day, no doubt after some rest I will stand up and fight all over again… I have to. I am just tired of it, tired of people. Thanks for reading Doris 🙂 x
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Sacha I am crappie at technology but wanted to say that your comment on my blog meant the world to me. I am sorry you are having a bad day. But very glad I could help xx
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Thanks for writing it, meant a lot to read it, so poignant for me today. I shall be coming back to read more of your blogs soon 🙂
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I’ve been there and hear you loud and clear. Sending hugs and sweet holiday wishes your way.
(I learned, and this was just part of my own journey, that I needed to develop a stronger sense of self – so that no one else could mess with me, my inner peace. I am better yet, still a work in progress)
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Thank you 🙂 and happy holidays to you too. I think I can learn from that, it’s always harder to do than say though and I want to have a stronger sense of self and self worth but it’s hard. Thank you, I will try. 🙂
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