A friend of the wife’s asked me to design a rapier sword tattoo with the words “the three musketeers” etched into it and some birthdays…..you can even see my cats muddy paw prints in the top corner *sigh*!!
One week. One week back in my cesspit hole of a job to feel myself start to tip off the side of sanity all over again.
I hate it. I hate my job so much it infects me. It putrefies my thoughts and tears tiny bits of my soul away, day by day. I can feel myself erupting on the inside over nothing. Something someone says, an insignificant remark makes my mind seethe and my blood burn with angry lust.
I am becoming scarred with bitter frustration.
I am broken.
I have a new boss, and he asked me this week after hearing my story if I had any fight left in me.
“you do don’t you… have fight left in you?” He asked me expectantly.
I just turned my head away. Biting back the tears.
” I don’t know”
And I really don’t know.
My old boss stole my confidence, and crushed my creativity.
” The thing is Sach…” He would say patronisingly.
“You got a big personality. You just need to be a bit less Sacha… you know?”
He hated me. He hated what I represented and made sure I knew it.
I am disgusted with myself that I could let a man beat me down and crush me the way he did, the way work has.
He left, but I have given up. I have nothing left, no fight, no drive, no ambition.
My entire being is bruise and I am exhausted.
I am Sacha, and I am beautiful, but, I am utterly broken.
Only a short post. Just to say that I think the time for planning is over. I randomly pick up my laptop this evening, and just started to write… no considering, no planning, no tightening and editing and re-planning. I just wrote. God, did it feel good.
The novel has begun…
A friend was telling me about their theory, there wont be equality for everyone fitting into a protected characteristic (like LGBT, mental health etc etc) until there is equality for women. Interesting. I have to say I kind of agree.
I mean the Church of England won’t even allowed women bishops for goodness sake, why are LGBT people expecting gay marriage to be allowed in churches? Of course I think they should be allowed, but I am just saying we don’t stand a hope in hell, when the CofE can’t even sort out a simple vote to have women bishops.
The UK government recently held a consultation on whether or not they should allowed gay marriages, and with a staggering 228,000 responses, it seems likely that the government is going to legalise gay marriage, at least civil marriage anyway.
What gets me now, and I am going to try HARD not to rant about this:
1. Apparently I can’t divorce my wife for cheating on me unless she cheats with a man. The rage I feel brewing about this, is ridiculous, I am once again turning green with a Hulk like rage. It annoys me that I even have to justify this. OF COURSE it’s cheating if she slept with another women. HOW DARE the government try and tell me it isn’t cheating. I tell you what cameron, how about I give ol’ Sammy Cameron a good poking, and then you see how you feel about it, and when she’s had the best night of her life, then come and tell me you don’t feel cheated on. Prick.
2. They are going to make it opt in for churches? I mean reaaally? This is not going to help religious LGBT people get the weddings they want. Personally I couldn’t give two shits if the churches don’t want us marrying in their ‘sacred’ grounds, I am not religious in the slightest. But I am not naive enough to think that there are no religious LGBT people. Therefore, being the egalitarian that I am I think that churches should be made (eventually) to conduct religious same-sex marriages.
Churches spout the reason that same sex marriages should not be allowed is because marriage is to enable children. WELL I got news for you god botherers, science has enabled something called sperm donation, IVF, and surrogacy, so single women, gay and lesbian couples, and even single men can still have children. You might wana read the news sometimes. Oh and if you try and tell me that lesbians can’t parent or whatever, then how about bring some hard facts to back up your argument, otherwise, keep your bigoted opinions to yourself. I got more news for you, studies such as this one (and there are several others saying the same thing) state that not only do lesbian families rock, they smash straight families… BOOM. How do you like them apples ‘father.’
Also, whilst I am ranting, what REALLY pisses me off, is when Christians, pick and choose what aspects of the bible they want to follow:
your not supposed to wear mixed clothes
or eat shellfish
If your husband dies you marry his brother
If your wife isn’t a virgin when you marry her she gets killed.
Or do you not fancy following those rules? Just the ones that make you homophobic bigots?
3. THE EQUALITIES minister, has made 4 loop holes to prevent people going to the court of human rights, the worst of which is that they will make it legally binding that:
It is NOT discrimination to refuse to marry a same sex couple.
Words fail me at this point. I have nothing polite or clean to say about this. Seriously Maria Miller have you been puffing on the crack pipe again?