Lesbian on Autopilot

Do you ever get that feeling that life is passing you by, and theres nothing you can do to engage or grab hold of it before it disappears?

I like to think of it as ‘autopilot’.

Its not really your friend, but sometimes you need it.

The irony is, hopefully this post written last night is on autopilot and will have posted automatically at some point around lunchtime tomorrow today.

As I have already established I am failing miserably at all aspects of my life at the moment!

I have mush for brains.

Anyone ever seen click? (the film) Essentially, he has a remote  control that controls his hole life and he can fast forward, pause, turn down etc etc parts of his life. He ends up wasting it and fast forwarding through all the goods bits as well as the bad.

I have way too much on. It’s stopping me being a friend, a daughter, a girlfriend, and a person.

Autopilot is also dangerous. I LITERALLY nearly killed my girlfriend last night.

We were trying to clean up the house after a weekend of wedding related shenanigans and for some reason I thought it was a really good idea to put three rolling pins on top of the highest cupboard in the kitchen.

Rolling pins roll.

Clearly didn’t think that one through.

The gf was sat on the floor doing girlfriend like things, and as I reached up to get something from behind the rolling pins I inadvertently knocked the rolling pins off.

With a disengaged brain I was unable to think of the word ‘move’ quick enough to scream it, so I just screamed some nonsensical gibberish word. Luckily enough she moved her head in time and only got her arm bashed.

But seriously what was I thinking?! Or not thinking more to the point.

Today I found myself having driven from one work location to another with literally no idea how I got there. More to the point I realised after I had just come off a roundabout, and I wasn’t even sure if I had looked in the right direction to check to see if anything was coming. I still couldn’t tell you if anything had been coming. Obviously not because I didn’t get hit. But not really the point

I must be on crack. I could have got myself killed!

I seriously need a metaphorical slap in the chops to snap out of autopilot. I might be having an existential crisis, but I sure as hell ain’t suicidal!

I am not sure where autopilot comes from, but I am going to blame mine on

a) the existential crisis

b) wedding brain. I liken this to something akin to baby brain. Clearly never having kids I have no evidence for this, however, I am emotionally unstable, practically senile, on autopilot, and lost any ounce of what little common sense I had.

c) the Molotov cocktail of painkillers (trying to numb the week long headache) and the glass of wine I keep necking when I get in from work.

Speaking of, I think its wine o’clock…

6 comments

  1. What can I say that you do not already know. Yeah! Wedding plans, along with relatives and in-laws. No wonder you are on autopilot. Glad the girlfriend is ok and obviously still in love with you or else this would be an entirely different post I am sure. I would say you two should get away for a few days, but then all the work you avoid would be added onto the already waiting work. Not very relaxing huh.also, I do remember reading something about you two going away before and the results being somewhat … umm.. we will say adventurous. So, I gave this advice earlier. It is also something Angel tells me all the time. You ready?

    Breathe… that is all.. oh and good luck, much positive thoughts to you and yours.

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    1. ALso, as if that isn’t enough, I am doing a Masters part time too, and my dissertation proposal is due in 4 days after the wedding!

      haha, yeah the last time was a bit of an epic failure, our honey moon isn’t until near Christmas either, so got a long wait before that.

      HAHA thanks for the advice, breathing is about the only thing I am managing to do at the moment! completely failed to understand English today. I was looking at people and watching their mouths move but it was like id gone deaf!!

      Think I am hitting the point of hysteria!!

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      1. OMG I cannot even begin to try and figure out how in the world you are still breathing. I mean really. Are you an overachiever or something? lol I do wish you all the luck in the world though.

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      2. haha, maybe, not sure I know exactly what an overachiever is. I just like to be busy, think I probably took on more than I can chew though. Especially seeing as I am writing a novel, and baking bespoke cakes to order! LOL. I think I am an idiot, who burns the candle at both ends and right through the middle!

        I am fine most of the time, and then some days (like yesterday) I literally melt down! brain completely shuts down!! hows your fanfic going?

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      3. Well up until today I had been sharing my laptop with the woman, which was more like she used it while I did other things. We picked her up one today so I should be able to work on my fanfic again as of tomorrow. So in short.. not well so far lol..

        Like

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